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Readers Respond: Responses to Men's Excuses to Not Wear a Condom

Responses: 11


Updated August 26, 2013

Let’s face it, how many of you have been in a situation when the man you were with did not want to wear a condom? Men provide all kinds of excuses for not wanting to wear condoms. Yet, using condoms every time you have sex offers the best protection from catching an STD, including HIV.

Some women don’t know how to respond when their men refuse to wear a condom. What has been your experience? What excuse did your man give and how did you respond? Did he get away with it, or did you ultimately make him wear a condom? What Did You Do?

Do What Feels Right

I was afraid to bring up using condoms because when I did, he tried to make me feel guilty with comments like, you don’t trust me, you don’t think I care, etc. It was really just to make me feel bad as he had no plans to use condoms. He said he didn’t like them & they ruined the moment. The article on responding to men’s excuses helped me prepare. I told him that he may feel uncomfortable using condoms but I would feel uneasy not using them & not enjoy the moment, so why bother? He tried to convince me to use the pill. I told him that I couldn’t have sex with someone who doesn’t respect me or him enough to use protection - who knows how many other girls he didn’t use a condom with? We broke up over it. But at least I emerged without pregnancy or STDs. A few months later, I met a mature man who, after trying a few types, found a condom we both enjoyed. I’ve been with him now for almost 2 years. Ladies, have self respect & don’t settle for putting your health & emotions in jeopardy!
—Guest Kimmie

Re: Hypercritical (hypocritical?)

Ha. The difference here is that wearing a condom protects the woman's and your health. When she refuses to have sex without a condom she is being safe. When you refuse to have sex with a condom you are putting her at risk for the sake of your enjoyment. So yeah, you're the asshole here, you're the one in the wrong here. Would you really require someone to trust that every person you've had sex with (presumably unprotected sex I might add) and every person they've had sex with was 100% STD free? No, that's ridiculous. Stop being selfish.
—Guest Cassie

I've had it!

I am rarely sexually active - unfortunately I'm not in a relationship though I'd like to be. I try to be extremely selective about who I am with, and it's a rare occasion when I am with someone. Almost everytime the guy tries to insist on not using a condom, despite my demanding that they do. On two occasions I've had the guy misleadingly start unprotected - one woke me up and the other I couldn't react fast enough. With the latter one I even pleaded asking why he would risk the health of either of us, but ultimately he put a condom on because I refused to continue without it. I still worry about could happen in a mere couple of minutes? And everytime it happens I swear off being with someone unless in a relationship - which usually means a couple of years without being with anyone, which is highly frustrating. I can't help but wonder if others deal with this as well?
—Guest NY

Why is natural skin on skin taboo?

I understand the necessary evil of condoms for diseases prevention, its a no brainier! Than being said.. some should mind their own business, not ALL couples need to use condoms. Why are the people on this site who have casual hook ups ruining the fun for monogamous couples? Im old school in a way that i don't have sex before being well over a year dating, b4 we had any sex we both willingly got a complete std/sti test. My GF already was on the patch so naturally in OUR relationship there was NO NEED for condoms. We both love the feeling and intimacy it gives us. I deeply care about my gf, we discussed this together. If there was a form of male bc i would share the responsibility as well, in fact i would feel better that way. But there isn't, although im looking at Vasalgel progress with excitement. She also loves to have sex that way with me skin to skin and is happy to take responsibility of bc, she knows that when male bc is available i will be onboard
—Guest Dexter

Condoms are IMPORTANT

I can't believe what I'm reading. Like seriously, how stupid does a person have to be to have unprotected sex THEN get tested. If you're dumb enough to have sex without a condom ONCE you might as well keep up with the guy because anything you can catch has been caught. I'd rather wreak a "moment" then catch herpes or any other STD. Any guy that refuses to get tested is bad news and any girl that puts up with that deserves the STD's.
—Guest Depressed

Not just a man's problem

I'm a man and I just wanted to say that women can also pressure men about not using condoms. I dated a girl for about 4 months, and we were really close. She had told me at the beginning of our relationship that she has genital herpes. After 4 months of dating, she asked me if I would be willing do it without a condom. I said I wasn't ready, and that I needed more time and more information. She dumped me and told me it was for that reason... Once again, good guys finish last...
—Guest Max

Make that move!

Most men are very charming and I haven't been with a man for some time. Of course on our first night, I had to make him get a condom out his dresser and he put it on. But our second session that night, we did it without one. Our second time seeing each other, I grabbed one out his dresser held it in my hand, but eventually the foreplay got me, and we started without one. I told him that I'm not ready for kids and eventually if we keep doing it that way he will get too comfy one night and drop off a gift. He told me to get on the pill so I did. I feel better when using a condom because it's safe. I don't know about next time I may have to buy my own and give him a fresh condom cause I don't want HIV or a STD. We do live a distance away.
—Guest Moni

Some men are so selfish

Interesting Jake is happy to dump the whole responsibility for birth control on his partner, she can take the pill, too bad if she has to put up with side effects... HE doesn't want to take any responsibility, he's only concerned about HIS pleasure... what about a woman's health and pleasure? I hope women avoid men like Jake, too selfish for words!
—Guest Anna


I understand the importance of condoms. I like the idea of them. But I'm sick of reading all this stuff about excuses. "I can't feel anything". It's not an excuse; it's a statement. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. Would you go to the movies if you were blind? Would you listen to the radio if you were deaf? No? So would you have sex if you couldn't feel anything? I wouldn't. And so I don't have random sex, and with new girlfriends I politely refuse sex with a condom (note the difference between refusing and forcing the girl to have sex without a condom). And the funniest thing of all is that when a girl refuses sex without a condom, she is classed as strong, powerful, in control of herself etc. Yet when a guy refuses sex with a condom, he is careless, unaffectionate, untrustworthy, doesn't care about the girls feelings etc. Hypercritical much? If a monogamous relationship, if the girl is on the pill, and both people have been tested, there's no reason to use a condom.
—Guest Jake

Condoms Don't Fit Me

There is a reason why different condom sizes are made. I for one, can't wear regular size condoms because it feels like the life is being squeezed out of my penis. Even rolling a regular one on is painful. My penis girth is the exact same girth as a Redbull can. That's not boasting, just trying to illustrate that regular condoms don't fit all men. However I have only ever had condomless sex once the woman and I have both been tested. Doing it without knowing their STI status is crazy.
—Guest Brad

Put Your Foot Down!

I was only with my man for a couple of months, but the attraction was so intense, I had to give in! Only thing, even though I was on Depo Provera, he refused to get tested. He tried to convince me that no condoms were needed because on my Depo. I must admit, I gave in like three times. The sex was amazing, so I knew something had to give. I told him to either get tested or wear condoms – or NO MORE SEX! He wore condoms for like three weeks and then just got tested. When he came out clean, we just relied on the Depo.
—Guest LaMonda

What Did You Do?

Responses to Men's Excuses to Not Wear a Condom

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